Due to such ‘support’, my cortisol level skyrocketed and ‘greeted’ me from above. Why couldn’t they just explain everything clearly? Why do they intimidate students? I don’t maintain that all of our lecturers are cruel and intimidating, not at all. They are professionals and wonderful people. I just didn’t like that they used fear as the only means to control us.
When I say ‘fear’, I mean unreliable facts. For example, we found out about the thesis proposal defence two days before the date. They said that if we failed to upload our thesis in time, we would not be admitted to the thesis defence. During those two days, we turned into kind of “Sonic the Hedgehog” to complete everything in time. We could think of nothing but the forthcoming thesis proposal defence and this caused terrible stress. This was only to find out that... the thesis proposal defence was cancelled. By the way, I wrote my thesis in one month and a half, but I had to stay up late, search for needed information, consult with friends and revise the text which I already knew by heart. What annoyed me most was the lack of any clear instructions about the contents and format of the thesis. Due to this lecturers returned my thesis back each time with more remarks.
Writing a thesis is already terra incognita, and it becomes even more challenging during pandemics. I would compare this process with a game with unknown rules. You are the main character who receives hints from time to time. Together with your allies – friends and group mates – you move towards your ultimate goal.
As for the thesis defence, I spent little time preparing for it. One day before the defence, I prepared a presentation and rehearsed my speech several times. On the night of the defence, I thought that everything would end tomorrow and I would finally get good rest.
I woke up in the morning with a determination to accept the inevitable. I opened my presentation, checked if everything operated normally in my laptop and raised my morale. Everything was OK until it was my turn to defend. As by Murphy’s law, I had problems with sound and could not share my screen. I understand that this was partially my fault, but this could happen to anyone.